We recently faced a difficult situation that caused tension between siblings that I wanted to share with you.
Two siblings, one parent who recently passed. The trust named one sibling, let’s call him Felix, as the sole trustee. Felix lives in a major city and has been very successful. His sister, who we will call Mara, continued living with their parent into middle age and had long struggled with employment and personal stability.
The trust named them equal beneficiaries, but said nothing specific about the house.
What the Silence Cost
Mara didn’t want to sell. She couldn’t afford the real estate taxes or basic upkeep on a large home, and the grief made any decision feel overwhelming.
Felix wanted to sell the property and hand his sister her share of the funds to start fresh, perhaps in a manageable apartment or a smaller home she could actually afford. Financially, that was the logical answer.
As trustee, Felix had the legal authority to list the house for sale. But he didn’t.
Not because he was wrong, but because executing that authority meant being the brother who forced his sister out of her home. He couldn’t bring himself to be that person, and nobody could blame him.
So the house sat. Carrying costs accrued month after month. Meanwhile, the sibling relationship frayed during a time when they needed each other most.
Nobody in this story behaved badly. The document simply left a hard decision on the table, and one of the children had to pick it up.
What to Ask While the Plan Is Being Written
If you are currently working through estate planning and real estate is involved, the conversation with your attorney needs to cover the property specifically, not just as a line-item asset, but as a physical space where someone may live now or in the future.
Here are a few questions worth bringing to the table:
- Carrying costs: Does the trust continue to pay taxes, insurance, and maintenance on the home? If so, for how long and from which funds?
- Exit strategies: Is the property required to be sold within a specific timeframe, or does a resident child have a right of first refusal?
- Long-term occupancy: If a family member is expected to remain in the home, how is that lifestyle funded, and what happens when that pool of money runs out?
- Relational dynamics: Who holds the discretionary authority, and is that person also going to be sitting across from their sibling at Thanksgiving?
That last question is the one people most often skip.
Solutions an Attorney Might Consider
A skilled estate attorney will tailor a strategy to how your family actually functions, but two common approaches include:
- A Corporate Trustee: An institutional trustee makes the hard calls, adheres strictly to the document, and absorbs the role of the “bad guy” so no family member has to.
- Sub-Trusts or Specific Real Estate Provisions: Structuring the estate so one sibling’s inheritance is protected, while clear parameters and funding are designated for the home’s maintenance or eventual sale.
Where Real Estate Expertise Fits In
Our role in this process is focused and specific: we provide the clarity needed to make grounded decisions.
We can tell you what the home is realistically worth in today’s market, what it would take to prepare and sell it efficiently, and what the true monthly carrying costs look like in real numbers. That is the data a grantor needs to make concrete plans, and it’s the clarity a trustee needs when a tough decision lands in their lap.
If you are currently planning your estate or if you’ve inherited responsibility for a property and aren’t sure of your next steps, then reach out. We can provide an honest assessment of the property’s value and options and connect you with experienced estate attorneys who handle this work with the care it deserves.
Disclaimer: I am not an attorney, I do not draft trusts, and I won’t pretend to. My perspective comes directly from personal experience and sitting across the table from families after a trust is already written and when someone has to figure out what to do with the real estate. From that seat, you quickly notice which documents were written with real estate in mind, and which ones were not. Gaps like these rarely happen out of neglect; they happen because it’s hard to anticipate every human variable years down the road.
